For some time now I have been aware that I am my own greatest obstacle to success. This might sound peculiar, or sadly familiar to some, but my guides tell me, and I concur, that I have a self-sabotaging soul. This was not meant to be for, from a very young age, I always had a niggling inkling that I was here on earth to do something significant and my true nature was thus wired for success. And yet, over the years, I have been bullied, undermined, abused and stymied to the point that the stuffing has been knocked out of me and I am all too easily derailed from my purpose. Knowledge is a powerful thing but only of use if applied and here I wish to disclose the reasons I self-sabotage in the hope of gaining clarity and reaching a point where I can finally turn the page on this folly. Picking scabs in public is perhaps not the done thing but, just maybe, my personal ruminations may help you in some small way to also hit your stride.
Since a very little girl I always sensed that I was somehow different from those I encountered in my daily doings: this was a strange unformed feeling – intuition at work. As I grew up, I simply knew that I had important work to do but living in a suburban home, in South London, with a brother who disliked me and parents who found me difficult – a free spirit, my chances of shining bright were seriously compromised from the get go!
A happy child I hated injustice and always stuck up for the underdog but as I grew so too did the bullies and, soon enough, they targeted me. This saw me in sticks at school and had it not been for my Mum stepping in things would surely have gotten dirty. Mum always had my back whereas, since her passing I now have no doubt, my Dad was pretty much uninterested in me; having eyes only for my brother who was a chip off the boring, conformist block.
Intelligent and inquisitive my constant questioning, a ploy to get attention I now believe, was irritating to my parents. And my affinity for hanging out in my bedroom was judged as laziness whereas I was, in truth, always busy drawing, sewing, reading or studying. My Dad thought my brother so smart and was proud when he came home with 5 average grade O Levels; less so when I passed 9 with better grades! Both my parents sadly underestimated me and neither truly tried to better understand the cuckoo in the nest. If they had had their way, I would have worked in an office for forty years and now be looking to an early retirement with a full pension!
Looking back over the last 50ish years I can clearly see patterns of behaviour directed towards me from all quarters. Literally everyone I have trusted and loved has slighted and smitten me by varying degrees and the law of cause and effect has been at play. For, with a constant fugue of negativity and harsh judgement bombarding a soul – the cause, injury is inflicted and the effect is damaged self esteem and disillusionment with all and self; for a person starts to think that not everyone can be wrong! The truth though is that they often are and, speaking for myself, this has definitely been the case historically and remains so even to this day.
We live in a peculiar world where empaths are perceived weak and those that accumulate material wealth are valued above those that have not even if they have had to sell their soul to the 9am – 5pm devil, or worse! Self- employed since 1989, I have weathered several financial crashes, divorce, single parenthood, living alone with my son abroad, bought a home for cash and so much more and, by my less material standards, I reckon lived an interesting, diverse and successful life.
So, why is it that I still allow the naysayers to hold sway over me and undermine my equilibrium to the point that I self-sabotage? Now, my Guardian Angel Matthew has wisdom and insight to share:
‘You Linda are what we call a self-sabotaging soul for, throughout the years, your self confidence has been eroded so badly by people sent by the dark to destroy you that now you are in a constant cycle of damage limitation and despair followed by periods of enormous productivity. This means that the road is never smooth and each time you gather positive forward momentum someone crops up to shove you off the road onto the bumpy hard shoulder! Until you finally recognise that you are the driver of your own vehicle and that no one else holds any power over you this will continue – but, unless you break this cycle you will remain in oblivion – whereby your talents and messages from the higher angelic realms, will fall on deaf ears for in your world today people blindly follow the winners whilst overlooking the true teachers and messengers who struggle similarly to you! Your world is corrupt to the core and until the lightworkers and angels who walk amongst the people refuse all judgement upon them they will remain in obscurity and this cannot be allowed for the clock is ticking and mankind is on the precipice of major destruction.’
So, having identified the problem how is a wise crone to kick this dysfunction to touch? This is where things get mighty sticky for me, for whilst I do not value the opinion of those whose life choices do not resonate with me, I find myself still wishing for their approval. This is absolute piffle and nonsense and finds me on the rinse and repeat cycle of the self sabotaging soul I so need to bust to allow me to move forward with grace and confidence.
And this is what I promise myself to do from hereon in: I will treat these folks as mild irritants and as teachers showing me how not to be. I will see my interactions with them as a sport and revel in my difference and metaphorically be the itching powder in their underpants! I will confound them with my brilliance, step fully into my purpose, and leave them in my wake wondering: how the fuck did she do that?!
I suggest you do the same.
Time to read more? Click HERE.
Or, should you fancy something a little lighthearted I invite you to try this HERE.
Meanwhile FREE daily guidance, no strings or selling attached, from The Higher Angelic Realms direct to your inbox HERE.
Be Happy xox
(Since November 2018 my writing is truly collaborative with spirit as I am now a channel for them and charged with bringing truth and hope to humanity.)